Finding Beauty Around

Trains, taxis and improved communication

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One of the reasons why I wanted to start writing is because I wanted to share my experience in becoming a better wife  and making relationships work.  I was lucky enough to come across a series of talks by Ruslan Narushevich, based on modern psychology and ancient wisdom, so most of the things I will write here are based on his talks and my daily observations 🙂

Well,  I believe some people must be wise and intuitive enough to know those things, but I was not one of them,   we don’t get this sort of information at school or in uni, neither  we get it from older generation, we think that if we just find the right person than  things will work out somehow, and part of it is true, with some people we find understanding and with others it’s way to hard to express yourself… and even now, after learning all those things, it is still good to have it in front of me as a reminder .. so, maybe I m writing for myself as well 🙂

So I will start with a very basic thing  and that would be –  WE ARE DIFFERENT .   Sounds like such an obvious statement, don’t you think so ?   Of course we are different!  you can say.  But without understanding where those differences come from, we are bound do perceive  other person as an alien from a strange planet and sometimes we even take it negatively …

The biggest lesson that I learned  will be –  I can’t expect my husband to react to things and process things the way I do it.   Sounds pretty obvious again … but I figured out that if I don’t apply it in everyday life it becomes a source of irritation and causes fights, and it’s not because my husband is bad, but because my mind expects a certain type of reaction from him  …

Ok, here is a simple example, your partner is sitting in front of the TV or Computer or reading something, you are coming to ask him a question or asking to help you, and all that you hear in response is some moaning and groaning and no action required :))  This used to annoy me so much, just because I was thinking  –  what can be easier that taking your eyes off the screen and replying, at least say  “Ok, give me 10 minutes, I ll finish here and help you” . My thought was if I do that, then why can’t he do the same ?!  I kept being irritated until I found an article explaining the difference between female and male mind.   The mind of a man is like a train, it moves with a certain speed towards it’s destination, in other words  when a man is engaged in activity (Note – it can be any activity from a very important work to watching something funny on youtube) all the energy of his mind, all the concentration goes into that, other things around cease to exist 🙂  Feminine mind is able to  switch between the objects or tasks faster. It’s like a taxi  –  you can ask to stop the taxi around the corner just as it goes, you can’t ask to stop the train around the corner, it takes a while for the train to stop, breaking path  of the train could be more than  1 km!!

So when your man is engaged in some activity  and you are coming over to ask him for something, allow enough time for the “train to stop”.  And  the grumbling that you hear in response is the sound of a “stopping train”…literally, it means he is switching between the tasks… Another interesting thing is that if you ask a woman for help , she will only grumble in response if she absolutely  hates it, and because we are that way, we think that our partner grumbles in response because he really does not want to go to the shop or to help with kids, when in fact he is just “stopping the train”….

Ever since I heard this, I have an image of the stopping train in the situations like that, it does not annoy  me anymore and I just wait for the “train to stop”, if the “train did not stop”, I can come back after 5-10 minutes and ask again…

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